you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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