Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
