She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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