oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
