the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
honey bunches of taint.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
