he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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