my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
