I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
