I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
