I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
