Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
