I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
