ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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