i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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