I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
