is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
