I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
