Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
