There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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