She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
