Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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