I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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