New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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