"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
