I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
