So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
