So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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