I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
