Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
