Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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