i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
