Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
