you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
