I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
