either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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