East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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