trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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