If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
