Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Small penises have feelings too.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
