He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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