Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
