You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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