what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm both gender and math confused
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
