If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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