Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

And to think..we used to do everything sober...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

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(+33): View more from France

Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.

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(509): View more from Washington

This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.

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(212): View more from New York

I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.

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(614): View more from Ohio

You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran

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