he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
