who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
