I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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