just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
