that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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